The magician and his assistant rolled out a large glass box, which was filled with water. The top of the box was sealed with a very obvious padlock. As the assistant locked the wheels of the box in place, the magician walked to the front of the stage. He rolled up his sleeves, showed his hands were empty, and with a gesture made a large red sheet appear between his hands.
As the audience applauded, he smiled. “Wow, if you thought that was impressive, you're really going to love the rest of the show!”
The magician walked to the glass box as the audience laughed, and he and his assistant draped the sheet over the box. They waited a moment, and then the magician called out, “Ladies and Gentlemen...our first guest of the evening...Jessica Alba!”
The magician pulled the sheet off with a flourish, revealing not an empty tank of water, but a tank of water containing a swimming Jessica Alba, wearing a powder blue swimsuit and waving to the crowd.
The magician undid the lock on the box as the audience applauded, and helped Jessica out onto the stage. The two of them bowed as the assistant wheeled the tank of water offstage.
The magician turned to his guest. “Thanks for helping me start off the show, Jessica!”
Jessica smiled. “Oh, no problem! But if you don't mind, I need to get backstage and dry off...” she said, as she started to turn towards the wings.
“You don't need to do that!” the magician said, as his assistant wheeled out a strange looking upright box. “Here, let me help you dry off a little faster.”
The box was set about six inches off the floor, and the top of it was about as tall as Jessica's shoulders, with a smaller open-front box on top. The whole device was painted a bright red, with gold paint around the trim. The magician opened the front of the main box, and gestured to Jessica. “Just come on over here, and step into my Automatic Drier.”
Jessica looked a little skeptical, but walked over anyway. She stooped to enter the box, calling out “Um, it's a little small in here...”
“Just stick your head out the top into the smaller box...yes, just like that.” Jessica's face appeared in the front of the top box as she adjusted her position. She still looked nervous, more so when the magician slid a stock over her ankles at the bottom of the box. “Hey, what are you doing?”
The magician stood up, and closed the front of the box. “Nothing to worry about, this is completely safe.” Jessica didn't look convinced, as only her worried face and wiggling feet were visible outside the contraption.
The magician picked up a small crank, and attached it to the side of the small box containing Jessica's head. He gave it a few quick turns, causing the insides of the box to move inwards, holding Jessica's head in place. “Is that too tight, Jessica?”
“Uh, no it isn't...but I'm starting to wonder what this is all for...”
The magician removed the small crank. “Simple, my dear! We want to dry you out quickly, so we're going to just wring you out!”
Jessica tried to look over in shock, but her head was locked in place. “What? Wring me out?”
The magician laughed. “That’s right! Just like a towel!”
Jessica's eyes and mouth opened wide, but before she could respond, the magician grabbed the box containing her head, and gave it a small turn to the right. Jessica squeaked in alarm as the magician turned the box back to the left, then back to the right. But instead of stopping, he spun Jessica's head around a full 360 degrees.
Jessica's eyes were wide with alarm as the magician spun the box (and Jessica’s head) around and around. The audience was laughing at her expression as the actress looked shocked, her head spinning in place as her wiggling feet were still stationary on the floor.
After a half dozen turns, the magician stopped spinning Jessica's head, and took a step back as she blinked her eyes a few times. “Whoa...I'm dizzy...”
“Don't worry, Jessica. It was for a good cause!” And with those words, the magician opened the front of the box. Jessica's body was still in there, but instead of her shapely figure, her body from neck to ankles had been twisted up like a towel. Her body now resembled a long rope, her powder blue bikini clearly twisted with the tan of her skin. Sticking out of the six-inch thick twist were Jessica's wiggling fingers.
The audience applauded as the magician opened up the back of the box to show that Jessica's body wasn't hiding somewhere. Meanwhile, Jessica was looking astonished, fingers and toes wiggling helplessly as she saw herself on the monitors, nothing but a twisted rope between her head and feet.
The magician reached in and touched Jessica's twisted form. “There we go, nice and dry now! How you feeling?”
Jessica grinned weakly, still wiggling her fingers and toes. “Er...tight?”
The magician and the audience both laughed at Jessica's helplessness. “Oh, ha ha...very funny. You are going to let me out of this thing...right?” she asked, looking nervous.
“I don’t know…I think this is a good look for you!” So saying, the magician reached in and pinched Jessica’s twisted form, causing her to let out a squeak of alarm. “I look good twisted like dough? Are you serious?”
“Of course I am! Think about it…now that you’re about six inches thick, you’re the thinnest actress there is!”
Jessica wiggled her fingers and toes helplessly again. “That doesn’t do me any good if I’m stuck in a box! Besides, I can’t get roles if I’m just a rope with a head and feet!”
The magician laughed. “Of course you could! You could be a vine in a Tarzan movie…you could be used to tie people up…maybe you could be a musical instrument!” He reached into the box again, grabbed Jessica’s body, and gave it a quick pluck like a guitar string. A pleasant note rang out as Jessica’s tightly wound body vibrated, causing her to gasp and blush, as well as making her feet wiggle even more.
“But you do have a point, you can’t do much acting from in there. Plus, I shouldn’t leave you in there too long anyway…you might get wrinkles!” The magician closed the box up again, and took hold of the small box containing Jessica’s head. He began to turn the box to the left, which resulted in more shocked expressions from Jessica as she spun around. Soon, after another six turns, the magician opened the box to reveal Jessica's body back to normal, her arms moving over her body to make sure she was all there. To the audience's applause, he undid the restraints, letting the now dry Jessica Alba out so they could take their bows, as the show faded to its first commercial.


When the show came back on, the center stage was taken up by a bizarre-looking device. In front of a large wall was a metal disk on the floor, with a similar one suspended about six feet above it. Both disks were attached to a complicated framework, which was in turn attached to what looked like a mixing board. The magician walked out next to his device, and addressed the crowd.
“I’d like to take a moment to show all you fine folks a little something I’ve been working on. You see, I’m very into music, and I thought it would be nice if there was a way to get live-show level quality, like you had your own private concert. Well, I’m proud to say I’ve succeeded! And here to help me demonstrate is my next guest, the lovely and talented Mandy Moore!”
Mandy walked out from the wings, smiling and waving to the applauding crowd. She was dressed in a black evening gown and heels, and gave the magician a kiss on the cheek. “So what’s this big musical breakthrough you wanted me to help you with? I can’t wait to see it!”
The magician stepped aside to give the audience a better view of the device. “This is it right here! The ultimate in recording equipment. And I couldn’t think of anyone I’d rather have try it out than you!”
Mandy blushed and smiled. “Why thank you! So what do I have to do?”
“I just need you to step onto that metal plate on the floor there. Oh, and do me a favor and take your shoes off first. The machinery is delicate.”
Mandy slid out of her heels, and stood on the metal disk in her stocking feet. “Oooh…that’s cold!” she said, with a slight shiver. “So what do you want me to sing?”
The magician walked over to the mixing board. “Not just yet. Let me get a few more things set up here.” He flipped a switch, and a cloth tube lowered from the upper disk, dropping down and covering Mandy’s body.
“Hey, what’s this for?” asked Mandy as she was hidden from view. The tube had three holes cut in it; one at about head height, which Mandy put her face through so she could see, and two small ones at the bottom.
The magician walked to the tube and attached it to the bottom disk. “It’s just part of the process. Now if you could just poke your toes out these holes here?”
Mandy looked confused and a little worried, but slid her tan stocking toes out the two holes at the bottom of the tube. They twitched nervously as the magician stood up. “Excellent! We’re ready to begin!” he said, as he walked back over to the control panel.
Mandy looked a little worried, asking, “So…how will this record my voice?”
“That’s the best part! You don’t have to sing at all!” He then began to work some of the sliders on the mixing board.
“Don’t need to sing? That what is this ooohhhh…” The young singer’s question was cut off by a surprised moan as Mandy noticed what was happening…the two disks that made up the end of the tube were beginning to move. Specifically, they were slowly moving towards each other, causing the tube to shrink.
Mandy’s eyes looked back and forth as her toes wiggled. Already, the tube was almost a foot shorter, the bottom disk lifting her feet off the floor as the top one pushed her head down. “Hey, what’s happening? What are you doing?”
The magician kept working sliders and other controls as the device squeezed the young singer shorter and shorter. “Well, think about it…the best quality out there right now is hi-def, right?”
“Y-yeah, I guess…” stammered Mandy, who was now about half her original height and still shrinking. She was looking very nervous now, her stocking toes wiggling as they approached her scared face. “…but what does…ooohhh…that have to do with this thing?”
“Simple. I wanted to bring the next level of quality to the fans!” The magician flipped some switches, and the tube stopped shrinking. He walked over to what was left of the tube, which wasn’t much. It was suspended in mid-air, now a little over a foot tall. Mandy looked down in amazement at her tan stocking toes, which were wiggling just below her chin. “Oh my god…those are my toes!”
“Bet you never got such a good look at them before, eh?” asked the magician, who reached down and gave them a quick tickle.
Mandy laughed and wiggled her toes some more. “Hey, stop that! No fair!”
The magician laughed. “Sorry, couldn’t resist. Anyway, do you know what the next step up from hi-def is, Mandy?”
“N-no,” she stammered, looking nervous again and the magician walked back to the control panel.
“The actual artist, of course!” he answered. “You, Mandy, are about to become the first human CD!” With those words, he pushed some more buttons, and the two disks began to push on Mandy again.
“What? Oh no!” she cried out, toes moving like mad. “Stop! No! Let me out offmmmhhh!”
Again, the singer’s cries were cut off as the tube pressed her down, her face and toes vanishing as the plates finished pressing, finally meeting in the middle of the device.
The magician pulled a lever, and the metal disks separated, the cloth tube gone. In fact, there was nothing visible at all. He reached down to the bottom plate, and lifted up a slim black disk.
"Ladies and gentlemen…the first human CD!" He held up the disk, which was less than a quarter of an inch thick and a little more than a foot across. Clearly visible on the black surface were Mandy Moore's face, and the palms of her open hands. Her face was frozen in a look of surprise, eyes wide and mouth trapped in an "O". As the audience applauded, he flipped the disc over, revealing Mandy's tan stocking soles.
"Don't worry folks, she's quite alright," the magician told the crowd as he knocked on the hard disk. "Of course it's not perfect yet…I can't make copies or anything, and of course the cost is really high…one of a kind and all."
He carried the disk back over to the control panel, and picked up a large clear CD case. He placed the Mandy CD into it, closing it with a snap. "But then again, it's the ultimate collectible!"
He left the CD case on the control panel, and walked to the front of the stage to more applause as the curtain closed behind him.

"Thank you, thank you. Now…"
The magician was interrupted by an attractive blond walking on stage. "Wait just a second there, buddy!" He looked over, and then said to the audience, "Ladies and gentlemen, Gwen Stefani!"
The audience applauded as the singer walked over to her host. She was dressed in a blue and white cheerleader's outfit with gold trim, with a very short pleated miniskirt showing off her toned legs in tan tights. She walked over to the magician in her stocking feet, looking upset.
"Gwen, what's wrong?"
"I'm a little upset about your last trick there!"
The magician looked back at the curtain. "Oh, you mean Mandy? I told you, she's fine like that…"
Gwen waved a hand dismissively. "That's not what I meant. In fact, I'm going to want to borrow that CD when you're done!" As the audience laughed, she continued. "My problem is that we didn't get to have a musical number!"
The magician looked Gwen up and down. "Good point…and I'm guessing from your outfit you'd like to do a number for us?"
"That's right! But I don't want to sing tonight, I want to dance! In fact, I even got one of your special gizmos to help me with my dance routine!"
The magician turned to the audience, saying "Then I guess there's nothing left to say but…here's Gwen Stefani!"
Gwen took center stage as the magician left and the opening of "Hollaback Girl" began to play. The curtain behind her pulled back, revealing a darkened stage with a new box lit by a spotlight. This box was about three feet wide, with a dark blue cloth front, decorated in gold trim in a manner similar to Gwen's outfit. Five evenly spaced slits were on the front, each running from the top of the box to the base. On either side of the box were two young girls dressed as cheerleaders in outfits similar to Gwen's.
Gwen padded over to the box as the bassline thumped, and the cheerleaders turned the box sideways and opened a door to show a stool placed inside. Gwen stepped into the box and sat on the stool, poking her head out the center slit on the front. The cheerleaders closed the door and turned the box to face the audience again as Gwen slid her hands out the slits beside her head, then her tight-clad feet out the remaining slits up to her ankles.
The cheerleaders walked offstage, leaving Gwen locked into the box, smiling and bopping along to the music. She seemed quite content to stay there, her head, hands and stocking feet contrasting against the dark blue cloth.

Suddenly, Gwen's right hand started to slide down it's groove. It slowly moved down to the point where it seemed like her arm would end. Instead of stopping, however, it continued down until it reached the base of the box, where it stopped right next to her swinging foot.
It sat there a moment, swinging back and forth as the song continued, then Gwen's left hand began to slide down, fingers wiggling as it dropped slowly. Soon, it too was at the bottom of the box, next to her swaying foot.
Gwen kept smiling as the song played, and then, both of Gwen's tight-clad feet began to rise. They slid up the front of the box in their respective slits, stopping when they were on either side of her grinning head.  She looked back and forth at them, seeming to enjoy herself immensely as her feet swung and kicked around beside her head, while her hands wiggled almost five feet below them.
Gwen's feet began to slide up again, stopping when the reached the top of the box over a foot over her head. Gwen hung there again with a big grin, head bopping, fingers wiggling, and stocking feet swaying back and forth, seemingly happy about being stretched in all directions.
Slowly, her smiling head began to move lower on the box. Gwen had a comical look of shock as her head gently slid down towards the floor, until it too was at the bottom of the box, resting between her hands. Her hands reached over and tousled her long blond hair. Gwen looked back and forth at her hands with a confused look, as if she didn't expect them to do that.
A moment later, Gwen's head started to rise. The grin returned to her face as her head reached the middle of the box and stopped. Again, she looked like she was having the time of her life, with her hands waving three feet below her head, and her stocking feet kicking three feet above it.
She spent a few more moments in this position, seeming content to spend the rest of the night in this odd position. Then her head began to rise again, until it was between her feet at the top of the box. She looked back and forth at her tight-clad feet as they swung and wiggled six feet off the floor.
After some time in this position, her hands began to slide up the front of the box, just as her head and feet began to slide down. Gwen's parts stopped when they were lined up along the middle of the box, feet on the outside tracks. Then, her left foot began to spin clockwise, wiggling the whole while. Just before it finished a full rotation, her left hand began to spin clockwise as well. Gwen made another expression of shock as her head followed suit, shortly followed by her right hand. As her right foot began to spin, her left foot stopped it's rotation and stopped with it's toes pointing up.
One at a time down the line, Gwen's parts stopped spinning. Then her waving hands and stocking feet began to slide up and down their tracks, apparently at random, as if they all had minds of their own. Again, Gwen seemed more than happy to be in this position, smiling at her hands and feet as they moved up and down past her head, occasionally tousling her hair, or rubbing her cheeks.




Gwen's parts slowly slid back into their starting positions as the music faded out. The cheerleaders came back out to open the side of the box as Gwen pulled her hands and feet back into the box. She then pulled her head in and stepped out of the box as the magician walked back out, joining the audience in their applause. "The very flexible Gwen Stefani, folks! Give it up!"
Gwen bowed as the magician called out "We'll be back right after this!"